If anger, fear, compassion and love are the basic emotions, there are also secondary emotions or emotions that are cultivated from the basic emotions. For example, empathy is cultivated from compassion. There are also, it seems, more complex emotions that specifically have to do with our sense of self. The first of these is pride and shame. Dr. Robert C. Solomon provides trajectories between pride and shame, and their family of emotions which include guilt, embarrassment, regret and remorse.
As a self-referential emotion, pride has been understood as positive and negative down through the centuries. And it can cut both ways today as well. We have all experienced a person that is too prideful of their abilities or circumstances. They do not acknowledge the role of others, fate or the Creativity of God as contributors to their circumstances or abilities. We have also been with those who seem to lack pride and struggle to revere and appreciate themselves appropriately. Pride is an emotion that is informed by our social life and then engages our social life in response. So if we feel proud, it is likely that we will help others feel appropriately proud. If we feel inappropriately proud it is likely that we may not be able to focus on and celebrate others. The existence of pride reveals to us that the self is not just a private or individual reality – rather, pride is a social/communal reality. Branching out from pride are distinct emotions of guilt, embarrassment and remorse.
Solomon notes that the difference between shame and embarrassment is one of responsibility. Shame kicks in when we accept responsibility for doing something wrong. For example, when our children do not come appropriately dressed to a concert that we knew would require finer wear than play clothes, we feel ashamed. If however, we are invited a birthday party where everyone will be in costume and we do not get this information ahead of time, when we arrive to the party we are not ashamed but embarrassed because we cannot assume responsibility for knowing about the costumes.
I found Solomon’s definitions of regret and remorse interesting so I will briefly list them here:
- Regret – is deeply individualist. We experience regret when we let ourselves down. For example, a seasoned runner decides not to challenge themselves by signing up for a marathon.
- Remorse on the other hand is more communal. We experience remorse when we refuse to acknowledge a person of lower socio-economic class than us in the grocery store. We have a sense that we have done the wrong thing and violated one of our values of how we act in community.
Self appraisal is the common thread in the shame/pride family of emotion. Solomon says that, “Guilt and shame turn on having done something wrong, whether violating the law or local custom.” (36) What distinguishes them is that guilt is something that we feel as individuals or as “individuals before God.” (36) Shame, on the other hand, is more communal . Not only have you let yourself down but you have let others down as well. Interestingly, Solomon notes that the Western world and Christianity in particular is more a guilt culture where as cultures that are more tribal are more shamed based. What do you think? Is he right?
I would suggest that guilt and shame are even more intimately linked than Solomon suggests. Shame is a private persecution for a public guilt. They co-exist within the connected individual. Although I do believe that both can be lessened by a deeper relationship with God.
Rachel – thanks for your comment. I think it is possible to feel shame and guilt simultaneously. For me, my own shame and guilt can be minimized or increased because of my sense of God and my desire to be in relationship with God. Ironically, when I experience increased shame or guilt because of my faith, I find that it is the way that I interact with the neighbor that makes all the difference. When, on the other hand, my faith in God allows me to manage my shame or guilt more agilely, the way I view my neighbor is filled with increased compassion.